The Tale of Two Friends.

I have a wonderful friend that will be referred to as S. in this post. S. and I met through working at the same restaurant together (which we both still work at). I've known her for two and a half years. S. and I are completely different in our perspectives on money and it has a lot to do with how we were raised.

A few weeks ago, we were sitting in her bedroom having a conversation about finances. S. is always talking about moving out, how broke she is, and her feelings of being utterly lost when it comes to finances. She shared with me that she didn't understand how both her and I worked at the same place, yet I can afford to live on my own, a car payment and go to school full time. Meanwhile, it is difficult for her to give her dad a couple hundred a month to help out with household expenses. Furthermore, she has no debt, doesn't go to school and no car payment. Her bills consist of auto insurance and a cell phone. S. didn't understand why she was always broke.

The fundamental difference between the two of us is that we have completely different backgrounds and subsequent mentalities when it comes to money. I never ask my parents for money, nor do I expect them to pay for items in my life. Furthermore, both of them have always stressed the importance of education and being able to provide for themself. I always kid around that I'm independent to a fault. When it comes to money, it is an advantage. My independence and willing to work hard enough to get through hard times is why I've managed to live on my own for the past year and a half on a waitress' income. On the opposite side of the spectrum, S. lives at home (nothing wrong there) and knows that she can fall back on her parents at any point in time. Her parents have allowed her older brother AND his fiance to live in their home for years now, and they contribute less than S. does to the household. Her older brother just barely got a job and I hope he can hold it down for more than a month. Despite their frustration, her parents still make escuses for him. I've been taught that you have to be self-sufficient; S. has been taught completely the opposite.

Due to this, S. doesn't feel any motivation to save her money. Where the majority of my money goes towards bills and paying off my credit cards, S. spends the majority of her money on going out and clothes. She is constantly buying new items when she has a full closet. I pointed these differences out to her in our conversation. I rarely spend money on clothes. Now that I'm in school, I don't go out either. I've gone out twice in the past month and a half. Meanwhile, S. goes out with friends to restaurants and movies at least three times a week. S. acknowledged that this is where her money goes.

Besides spending habits and upbringing, S. and I work differently. Because she doesn't have the motivation to make end's meet, she is more likely to give tables up at work or pay less attention to her customers. S. isn't a bad waitress; she is very friendly. That friendliness also translates into her socializing too much at work. I pride myself on giving the best possible service at work. There are times when we are slow and I can leisurely talk with other servers, and there are the times when I can't afford to. S. has worked at our restaurant a good year or two longer than I have, yet I am higher on the totem pole than she is. Management is more likely to come to me for advice about a particular employee or listen to my thoughts than her. I've brought in doctor's notes to work for every time I've been sick (three times?). S. routinely ditches work at least once a month and uses fake doctor's notes. Furthermore, she shows up a few minutes late all the time. The difference in our work ethic reflects in how much we earn. On average, I earn a little over a hundred a shift; I know she earns significantly less.

Knowing all these differences, I've attempted to guide her into managing her finances. I laid out guidelines and told her to make goals for herself. S. also needs to track her spending and see how much she really spends on consumer purchases, dining out and entertainment.

We are different people because of the way our parent's have raised us. I suppose this is me telling all those PF bloggers who are parents to raise their children not to be codependent and to take a pride in their work. My friend S. is a good person; she just doesn't understand how to manage money because her parents never taught her how to. Teach your children the value of the dollar.

The day after our big "money talk", S. came in to work all excited. She proudly showed off to me a new purse and jacket that she bought for fifty five dollars when it would have cost her normally over a hundred. All I could do is shake my head and say, "That's great you got a good deal, but you don't need those things. You have plenty of purses and jackets." It's going to be a long road for her.